FREE YOURSELF...MY JOURNEY

 
Tomorrow is the last day to land a contract. The day after Halloween.
This is the second time around... trying to land a contract on a fixed, maxed final pre-qual within a limited record/housing inventory. Also a limited budget, that must also include taxes and insurance.
Doing it also, solo.
I've come close more than a few times and either got out-bid or they decide to retract the listing. Why? Because the sellers too! Could not find a property to purchase.
This keeps an addict "far-too-close" to me. This should be a chapter of liberation. Closure. Independence. This is the final string, this property, that ties me to Eric. So. Why if someone else faced addiction, they would stand back watching someone close to them... also go through it. At least, you were not alone. You also, had your health. You had parents, whom had your back.
I honestly, can not deal with someone else's addictions and demons... any longer. The reason my beloved grandmother left emergency money for the kids. For reasons such as mine.
HELP.
To escape the hell away from stress, that no human being should had ever endured in a single lifetime. Addicts feed off the niave, sick, stuck and vulnerable. They seek those who have an empathetic heart of gold. Then they put on the narcissistic masks, being whatever they see needed for a short... moment in time.
It took me 2-days to recover/sleep, after dealing with Eric's "once-again" bizarre-crazy-behavior and then I find this👇
In less than 24-hours consuming all but 3 left over electrolyte packets. Only because he was sloppy (leaving the open box/packets on the ground) while pretending to finish the garage window. This is just a touch of whatever he can get ahold of to get an upper... quick fix. Temporary high. It took me years to try figuring out WHY for the drastic, bizarre, insane behavior. Like a constant yo-yo. Not knowing what you will get/kind of person... on the daily.
Last month, it was an entire container of my organic honey in a mere 3 days. The same honey that magically disappeared from my cabinet. The sugar is what I was told, is what addicts seek in honey. High consumption of sugar to get a high.
I called him out today. 
I believe, everyone hits their limits. And... I hit mine.
Plan C in action. 
Not exactly what I wanted to do, but when you lack the help, that those, know you need. You are left with no other choice. All in order to set oneself, free.
Long overdue peace, because if you think cancer is tough. Imagine dealing on top of it, someone else's demons!.
Happy Halloween?. I have yet, to remember a normal holiday of not dealing with sheer craziness or being invited to family gatherings. Well... safely assume, my parents will enjoy another holiday (17-in-a-row) among normalcy, with their daughter and grandchildren/great grandchildren. Another holiday that lacks one person... me.
It's taken over a decade to finally be honest with others. Having so many years of lost memories, photos of holidays and lifetime moments, blank. That is a far-cry and an even farther-stretch from being treated or celebrations as any type of family normalcy.
Because of this, making peace. Having closure with therapy was most important. Learning to be honest with myself on not being treated as equal.
Being honest with myself. Me.
*Song wrote, by FYMJ
🎃👹🚫
Free Yourself...My Journey
freeyourselfmyjourney@yahoo.com
 

 
"Hey You!"
There are many of these "You" men walking among us. Then there are the women, who on the daily...
Suffer from abuse. Various forms of abuse. Because let's face it...
"Abuse is Abuse."
I will never forget the words from my ex in-laws telling me, "Good Luck!" As they threw their problem son back, onto me. 
Why?
Because they too knew the troubled soul. The one with addiction demons, that have yet to be addressed. The blatent disrespect, for all women. The one who used me, like those whom also crossed his path.
If you can resignate with anything I am saying... then this county-swing song I wrote, needs to be turned up,
LOUD AND PROUD!.
"HEY YOU!"
🎶🗣👤🚫
Free Yourself...My Journey
freeyourselfmyjourney@yahoo.com
 

 
Make sure to get out this weekend with your cell phone or camera... before all of the beautiful colors of fall "leave."
🍁🍂😉🍂🍁
Free Yourself...My Journey
freeyourselfmyjourney@yahoo.com
 

 
I remember going over my grandmother's house to drop off cupcakes for Sweetest's Day.
Another year goes by... this memory is a permanent part of me.
Parts of her...
Are now, parts of me.
Happy memories💞
I wrote this song, as many can resignate with... Alzheimer's and Dementia's great fight❣️
🌻❤️‍🩹🌻
Free Yourself...My Journey
freeyourselfmyjourney@yahoo.com
 

 
Self respect...
Is the greatest lesson of life, one will ever learn to "take-back" in therapy.
(Podcast correction... the same person who didn't tell me about my grandmother's house. Was the same person who didn't tell me about my Godfather's passing. I was the only one, not to be told or be in the know).
👏👏
Free Yourself...My Journey
freeyourselfmyjourney@yahoo.com
 

 
☕️Journal To Freedom🍂
Day 1
Daily podcasts to follow...
***
It's time people get to see behind the curtain.
Because TRUTH is LOUD👇
(When you continue to blame others/woman. Any, At-Will state can "At-Will" fire you.)
🍺💊🥃👺
Free Yourself...My Journey
freeyourselfmyjourney@yahoo.com
 

 
Nothing sends cold chills down your back more... when overhearing an adult placing healthy boundaries with a parent.
Then comes the parental response of denial, jabs and condescending smirks, and mental games.
A son, letting his father know... this is the last time you will ever hurt me.
A daughter, who grew tired of being a parent, to an unhealed mother or father.
A son and daughter, tired of watching drug and alcoholism that is tearing the family to shreds.
Family Dysfunction.
Generational Trauma.
At it's... finest.
***
I wrote this song about family dysfunction. It is dedicated to every single adult... who has to bravely mourn the loss of a parent, that is still alive. Dealing with a parent/parents that are emotional absent, physical abandonment or you have been labeled the Blacksheep-Scapegoat of the generational family tree.
💔❤️‍🩹❤️
Free Yourself...My Journey
freeyourselfmyjourney@yahoo.com
 

 
Morning earthquakes on the daily, causing worsening of house-shifting. Particularly, the same problem wall, that was meticulously repaired... over 8 years ago.
Nope.
Culprit? 4 ton+ equipment being used across the street for a new, upcoming development. Yes, house of a second rendition of the "Money Pit" should been sold. My life journey... moved on, over past 4 years. Now, the same issues are back causing nothing but financial ruin. 
(Correction by those whom build homes. Equipment to move dirt, etc is between 7.5-20 tons)
Watch how when those... whom rather pay to see you suffer.
Than, to pay to see you... succeed.
At least, was able to enjoy the past holiday weekend. Taking in all the peaceful sights, that come with the fall season.
As mentioned in this podcast episode. I tend to strongly believe, cancer does better in the cooler months. 
Out of pocket prescription/drugs costs are not helping by any means. This is where equity, hard work that was put into this house... should had already begun. Reeping the benefits of hard-work and much needed financial help and independence.
And this part of my journey, with this house. Should had already been chalked up as... 
"The end."
🌻🙋‍♀️🐶🐶🌻
Free Yourself...My Journey
freeyourselfmyjourney@yahoo.com
 

 
Do you believe in angels?
***
Let me know what you think😇
🙋‍♀️🐶🐶🎶👇
Free Yourself...My Journey
freeyourselfmyjourney@yahoo.com
 

 
Decades later...
Finding out about my Godparents👇❤️‍🩹
Emotional support is a crucial part of life!. Having that support helps in all aspects of your life. If I could had done things differently... I would had tracked down answers to my puzzled life, far-sooner. Than, later.
It's crazy how fast life passes you by... even this year, feels like a mere blur.
I miss taking daily trips... exploring new and existing local parks. It seems each time myself and Snoreo get over one hump. We are met with another challenge.
Lesson learned?
Get out there and enjoy the days that our good Lord, and guardian angels provide us.👏❣️
🍂🍁🙋‍♀️🐶🐶🍁🍂
Free Yourself...My Journey
freeyourselfmyjourney@yahoo.com
 

 
The movie, Life After Death...
I did a prior episode about Pastor Howard, who was the Pastor of my wedding many years ago. A movie about coming back from death.
Here are some screenshots/photos of Pastor Howard, my wedding. At least now... I have a face in reference to the story👇
Everything in life, has it's purpose and meaning. However, I still believe in the blue print of life. Our journey of life is already determined for you. Way before birth. 
I've been working on challenging myself a bit... mentally and physically this weekend. I've never been too much for rap music, unless your talking back in the 80's-kinda style. So this was fun to test my writing capabilities on this song.
Never listen to those who try to stop you from living your life, by your own terms. Your never too old, to try something new. Never let illness, stop you from living life too!
🐶☕️🙋‍♀️🎶🐶
Free Yourself...My Journey
freeyourselfmyjourney@yahoo.com