God Will Give You Strength 🙏

July 21st, 2021


I got a reminder, on what it felt like, when having to take inhalation drugs through a nebulizer machine. Honestly, I thought I was over that part of my life. I really thought somehow, I was on the upswing. I forgot, what it was like to not be able to sleep from the after tremors. Side effects from respiratory drugs through a nebulizer. 

Those, who do not suffer from severe respiratory conditions, do not understand the seriousness of environmental (smoke) pollution. Last thing I wanted, to once again deal with, is adding more onto an already full plate. If only, people really got to feel what it is like, struggling to breathe.

Place a bag over your head. Leave just enough room for air. That's just the beginning of how it feels. Then, the fear of struggling to breathe kicks in. For me, it starts with eye irritation, then coughing, followed by heaviness in the lungs. Then panic sets in. You start to cry, but then realized by doing so, it only makes matters worse. Outdoor pollution (smoke) in the air, most definitely can aggregate anyone who suffers with pre-existing respiratory problems.

It's not about complaining. It's about real facts.

Environmental pollution (smoke), can cause grave consequences for those with pre-existing respiratory problems. 

I have enough on my plate. I was diagnosed late last year, by nuclear testing, with scarring on both upper lungs from double pneumonia. I was already dealing with lower left lung obstruction, due to secondary complications from maximum radiation, oncology therapy.

It's not about complaining. It's about educating others about the seriousness of environmental (smoke) pollution. What those with respiratory problems go through, when triggered by environmental factors (smoke) in the air.

I am back on secondary inhalation drugs, and another rescue inhalation drug. I use two out of the three drugs through my nebulizer machine. If the environmental factors (smoke) seize. After needing to cough up all the nasty discharge from my lungs. Then, maybe I can catch a break, again.


My plate is already beyond full. So why would anyone want to add onto someone's plate? Another individual commented, "If someone is already carrying a heavy load. Why would I want to add onto their load?" That is as well, a very true statement. 

My immune system is still hard at work. Trying to help me recover from surgery and other outpatient procedures. I am still at the beginning stages with reconstructive jaw surgery and other factors working against me. I still can’t eat anything that involves chewing. I lost all of my teeth in the process during my last surgery, including most of my jaw. That includes, my smile.

Why would anyone, want to kick someone down? Especially, when they fight with every last ounce they got... to live.

This isn't about complaining.

This isn't about seeking attention.

This is the real reality of suffering.

I'm sorry, if I have offended you. But when you offend one of God's children, by making their suffering even greater. You need to ask yourself, "Isn't their load, already heavy enough? Shouldn't I be of support. Instead of a burden?"

Yesterday, like a true zombie warrior. I assume, zombies must feel how I felt over the past 24+ hours. I accomplished making my way outdoors. Just to be able to feel the sun and water some flowers. You have to keep going, no matter how great the struggle. 

This morning, I have back-to-back video appointment with my specialists. I have been dreading this day. Who really wants to talk about hospice home care? It makes me feel like a failure. But what it wont stop me from doing, is still living, life. Helping other brave Warriors. Realizing my dreams.

Free Yourself...My Journey🕊



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